wild_dreamer: (Utena - revolution)
Saturday, August 27th, 2011 09:59 am
And here it is again, time for me to leave for Burning Man, for my second year. It's almost hard to believe it's happening, and I'm certain I'm going to leave something important behind, but at least I know what the heck I'm doing this year. :D

It's time for all the last-minute packing, the scramble and the excitement ramping slowly up. I've been looking forward to Burning Man for months, it seems like I won't really be excited for it until I'm well on the road, well on my way there, and it kicks in: "I'm going to Burning Man! I'm going Home!" I'm looking forward to breathing, eating, drinking, and wearing the lovely dust of the playa again.

There's the excitement. Slowly building. Yessssss.

I'll be twittering my progress again this year on the drive, so everyone knows I made it safely into the dust. aWildDreamer is my Twitter username, for anyone who doesn't know; I think it should be posting to my journal regularly and I know for sure it's hooked to my facebook, but you can read the feed directly here at any time.

I'm going to Burning Man! :D

Time to go finish packing so I can leave on time. *grin*
wild_dreamer: (Utena - revolution)
Tuesday, September 21st, 2010 06:19 pm
Two new story posts over at [personal profile] inthe_dreaming for your perusal, if you are so inclined! Constructive criticism and any sort of commentary are always appreciated, but never required. I'm always happy to hear whether you liked it or not, though, and if you can articulate the reason you did or did not enjoy it, I'd love to know that as well.

First we have Dreams in Wonderland, which is a short prose-style scribble inspired by a combination of my new muse and S.J. Tucker's newest album. Short, sweet, and just a little mad.

Second, a possibly-unfinished piece of work, thoroughly inspired by my new muse. Wild Travelers is a bit of love for an artistic, bohemian lifestyle that I only get to share in small glimpses of in my real life.

Enjoy!


---

And on a separate note, there are starving artists out there who need feeding. Please, even if you don't donate money, non-perishable goods or a good hot meal are always appreciated, and sometimes you can meet some amazing people by offering them a nice, hot meal somewhere.

Also, people who abandon a half can of Pringles and most of a box of raspberry filled donuts on a table at a college for hours and hours confuse me. But that's okay, because now I have a half can of Pringles and some delicious poison donuts to munch on. *Shrug.* Their loss, my delicious gain! Nomnomnom. (If I die of anthrax donuts, play Tainted Donuts at my funeral, plz kthx.)

ALSO. SCHOOL. YEY. I HAS IT. I am so freaking happy after a day of wandering around the campus. My shoulder hurts from hauling new books around (I knew I should have grabbed my backpack instead) but I wrote stuff (Wild Travelers was all done today between Self Defense class and Ceramics, as was another train-of-thought scribble which won't be shared) and did some photosynthesis in the sun and called a new and dear friend up just to chat.

I'm gonna love ceramics. I can tell already. I'm gonna love all my classes except maybe the online one. This makes me so happy.
wild_dreamer: (Tinkerbell - won't grow up)
Saturday, July 18th, 2009 09:48 am
First, the less squee portion of the day: I have only just discovered that LoudTwitter broke back in June. Oops. So you guys who don't follow my twitter ( http://twitter.com/onnakitty *cough* ) have not been getting the updates of my day-to-day life. Sadness!


And on to the AWESOME SQUEE OF AWESOME which I twittered about last night...

S00j gave me about a bajillion hugs and SANG ME A LITTLE TINY BIRTHDAY SONG when I went up to hug her, beloved tiny thing she is, and she left me so full of happy I could EXPLODE... and then! Kev proceeded to fluster me so well that I forgot to go say my goodbyes to S00j and Betsy before I left, simply by telling me I looked stunningly beautiful.

I.

What?

Heeeeee.

S00j is so much love in a little tiny package, and Kev is just amazing as well, and I... Gyah. Have no words for how amazing my night was.

I was covered, drenched even, in GLITTER and LOVE, sitting there with Packmentality and Jess, watching S00j and Betsy and Vixy and Tony (whose LJ I do not know, sorry!) all performing the most amazing Shindig I have ever seen.

If I were not planning on going out and drinking a lot with friends, I would probably be trying madly to find tickets to the Serenity screening tonight.

This is going to be the most wonderful birthday of my entire life. Happy, surrounded by friends and loved ones, having fun.

Heck.. this is going to be the best year of my life so far, and hopefully set the tone for the rest of my days. Happy and with everything going for me.

Huzzuh.


Zee, I miss you already. Hope you're having fun at your con!

Emily... get your ass out here already. I miss you, dammit. Same goes for Dan.

Alex. Call me! We never talk. =[ I miss my Twinneh!

OtherMomma... I hope I get to see you soon. I miss you, and all my PseudoSibs, and just everyone.

Anyone I missed... I love you guys too. Don't hesitate to call or text or email me, k? I'm bad at first contact!


And for everyone's benefit.. http://www.skinnywhitechick.com and http://www.vixyandtony.com
GO LISTEN. Go become fans of these wonderful, incredible people, and keep the music going! Donate, go to concerts, bestow love from a distance.. just check them out!


Much love, everyone! Time to go finish packing and get ready for my party. ;D

Calls and texts to wish me a happy day are always appreciated, and will be returned with much much love. <3
wild_dreamer: (my cat)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009 06:02 am
So you won't get the rest of tonight's twitters until midnight today, but...

I am home, finally. Six am, the sun coming up, and I have walked about 35 blocks or so in heels to get home because the buses are retarded and do not run quite this early, and because I am retarded and did not get a ride home with my coworker when she left the party around midnight or so.

I have just dicovered that I have an imprint of a plastic dubloon on my right tit.

Oh, piratey parties.

So I am home, safe, unmolested, and several times better at Guitar Hero than I was before the evening began. Learn to play something drunk; you'll be awesome at it when you sober up. <3

I am drinking a great big glass of water, and then I am going to bed with intentions of being up sometime before one so I can shower and eat something before I have to work tomorrow. With any luck, I won't be hung over. With my luck, I probably will be. Suck.

Maybe I'll have more coherence tomorrow... later today.. when I wake up, whatever.

<3 to everyone!
wild_dreamer: (Utena - revolution)
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 11:43 pm
Soooo, for those of you who don't wait for my LJ to post my tweets at midnight;

You know that the universe is playing silly buggers around me tonight. I don't know what it is (and I'm sure there's things I'm forgetting to include) but tonight has been full of various sorts of fail, most of it ironic.

Most of it reasonably amusing. And cut for length, as this post got a little out of hand. )

I've now done enough babble for one night, I think; time for bed. Everyone else retired forever ago, I'm the only one left awake and it's about my bedtime. Goodnight, all. Love and kisses and well-wishes.
wild_dreamer: (Naruto - Badass ninja)
Sunday, March 15th, 2009 09:13 pm
I've been listening to far too much BNL lately. It's beginning to infiltrate my brain and leave me with random song lyrics, as the title of this post may imply. Often, they really have nothing to do with the actual content of the moment/post/thought, or really much of anything at all, save being random lyrical accompaniment.

I did not get online to post about this strange phenomenon, however.

I got online to warn you all that the pod people are coming; nay, they are in fact here, and I AM ONE OF THEM, ladies and gentlemen.

James and I went out for dinner tonight, and had very tasty food at Red Lobster.

I had crab. And one of his coconut shrimps.

And did I mention the other day about my distracted-by-real-work episode?

I'm starting him hunting for zippers tonight, guys. For serious, this has gone too far and I must find out what bizzare manner of alien has infiltrated my brain.

I love you all, and just in case the aliens get wind of this and try to stop me, Fare thee well and I will see you on the other side.


*Trying not to start giggling.*

/logout! ♥
wild_dreamer: (Naruto - Badass ninja)
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 05:44 pm
I am looking on Craigslist (preliminary search and all that) for (small) HOUSES.

Or 2+bdr apartments.

Within James' budget.

GYAAAHH. >.< I'm like, an ADULT NOW. And moving in with him! Soon. And OMG WHATDOIDONOWGUYS?!?!

*Flail!*

Aside from continue to gently nudge my Libra towards the actual "thinking about how this all needs to work" side of things, cause he's adorable and good with being reasonably practical but he fails a little bit at the planning things out in advance thing.

Or maybe I'm just a little over-exuberant?

I DON'T KNOW.

Capslock?! The capslock demons have eaten my brains, guys. SRSLY.

Waaauuuggghh.

Anyway. I'm trying to get ahold of him via text (why is his phone never charged or on him or.. GRAHH! Kick him and make him-- HAH. Text message!) to ask such important questions as "What exactly IS the budget?" and "What radius from your current location/job should I be looking in?" and "I really don't need to look at more than just the apartment complex you're already in, do I? But I want to anyway.."

HELP.

I'm trapped in an adult version of me and I wanna go play at the park instead. D=

I JUST DON'T KNOW. I AM SO IN DEEP SMIT. HALP.

*Waits for him to text her some more.*


By the way, guys, did I mention the bit where I feel like I've been replaced with a pod-person? I was on the phone with Zee the other day, last week sometime, and went to get my book out of the car.... and got distracted by sorting boxes in the living room, forgetting the book. WHUT. But hey, I sorted a box!

I've been slowly actually sorting my way through all the boxes I packed from Colorado and getting rid of things. Next up is cleaning out this damned rat's-nest of a room I've got, and packing up things (in a couple months I'll get to the packing, for now it's just the cleaning what needs done) to move out.

OH MI GAWD I'M MOVING OUT.

WITH JAMES.

My brain is running little rat circles. And he's being obstinate and difficult. D:<

I do not want to ask how much he makes because I'm sure I will feel sadly inferior.. but suddenly I am in charge of apartment budgeting (self appointed though it may be) and sort of budgeting for him now too since he's just admitted to me that he really isn't very good at it.

I suspected as much. He's fabulous at saving, since he doesn't generally buy expensive things, but when it comes to actually budgeting things he's a bit of a--...

Yup, the inferiority is setting in. Christ, he makes three times as much as I ever did in my little retail jobs.

COLLEGE IS NEXT PLZKTHX. So that I can (albeit eventually) pull my fair share of things.

Cause he shouldn't have to.

Even if he makes more than me.

WAUGH. FOR NOW. FOR NOW, I SAY!

I am so totally random and spazzing today.

I AM PLANNING A FUTURE WITH THIS MAN. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!

LIEK, SRSLY. MAKING A BUDGET.

I feel a little woozy now... somebody make me a drink!

A new drink. Because I'm not, actually, terribly fond of mimosas. So when I finish this, I shall have a peppermint hot chocolate to make me all warm and fuzzy, and return to PUTTERING and doing STUFF like sorting and budgeting and being a GROWN UP NOW ZOMG.

...I think I need to go call Em now, and spaz at her for a while. Possibly do things and stuff while I spaz.

'KAYLADY ILOVEYOU BUH-BYE!

/logout
wild_dreamer: (that'll give you bees)
Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 01:14 pm
So I decided to get something useful accomplished today, and actually go through a few of my boxes and whatnot. Ended up choosing to sort my schoolwork box from High School (is it strange that suddenly that seems so very far away now?) and found a few precious gems of amusement therein. I don't know how I got away with some of the things I did as assignments, really, but the combination of practicality and imagination was certainly unmatched before or since. XD

In particular, I've found a few random doodles or phrases here and there, most of which I won't share because the doodles were connected to the randomness. However, there's one piece of paper that actually made me laugh out loud, in that "Dude, what the hell was I thinking, but that's funny.." sort of way.

It's labeled "Homework #10 - "Story Sketches" - 2-26-03" and there's only one item on the sheet. Directly copied, no corrections or changes made:

"1. Emily woke up hungry, but waited for French Toast to be ready, and got hungrier. She ate French Toast, and was no longer hungry. (French Toast wasn't so happy about being eaten, but that's a whole other story.)"


And here I sit, staring in a bemused fascination. What was the assignment, anyways? Where on earth did that come from? Yet it's so very me that I can't help but get a kick out of it. I felt a need to share it with y'all, as just one of those flashback moments to who I used to be, yanno?

Maybe I'll find more interesting things later. Better get back to work. *Grin.*
wild_dreamer: (SPN - b&w emo!Sam)
Thursday, January 29th, 2009 02:21 pm
curled up on the couch in the Crack Den, randomly messing around on the internet with the PSP that James has long-term loaned me, and being thoroughly amused by zombie insurgence RP.

Apparently the zombies have taken over Silverdale and my love has been infected. It is not yet June 13th and the zombie incursion was unexpected so early in the year, which is probably why they've been this successful thus far.

I am still looking for some sort of cure for this condition. Hopefully before James decides that my brains are tasty, and I'm forced to shoot him.

So far he's been docile and quiet, after my initial warning about the state of my brains and his head versus my shotgun should he try anything. It seems one can retain some manner of lucid thought even after being bitten. I wonder how long it lasts.. In any case he's chained himself to the couch and returned to his programming work while I continue to research a cure.

Called Matt, told him to bring his shotgun. He missed the first surge of zombies, now littering the ground outside, and so far it's been fairly quiet since he arrived to guard my back while I use my google-fu.

Any thoughts? Anywhere you can point me to, my dear friends, in hopes of finding a cure before we become one with these monsters? Any hope of salvation for my love? Please, tell me there's something.
wild_dreamer: (Utena - revolution)
Friday, January 9th, 2009 01:30 pm
So here I sit, with a mug of tea warming my hands, in a robe and a pair of sweatpants that used to belong to my first boyfriend. The crazy one. The one I fell in love with on a warm day, trapped in fear of his mother's wrath on the back stairs. Sneaking out, afraid of getting caught like it would mean our demise, like some kind of Romeo and Juliet scenario; I decided my thundering heartbeat and the clasp of my sweaty, fearful hand with his must mean I loved him.

Two years of a mistake made. Feels like every time I turned around there was a mistake with him, but none of them seen until it was way too late to save it. I remember the good times now and then, but more often than not I remember the bad. I remember being someone I never wanted to be, dating someone I never should have fallen in love with. The first days, weeks, maybe months, they were fabulous spent together. Exciting, new, sharp and I felt so alive. Reaching out for love, grasping at straws and smiling when I thought I'd found it.

Only to have it all crumble. So slowly, one thing at a time, until all that was left was two lonely children clinging to each other in fear of the unknown. Fear of alone. Fear of not being loved anymore, either one of us. But neither of us were, we were just dependent on one another for affection that we didn't know how to find anywhere else.

I was stronger. I walked away, not unbroken, but in the end I was tempered by it.

Every moment I remember is a warning bell going off, saying I should never have been so naive. Saying he should never have trusted me either, of course. But a lesson learned is hard forgotten if you take it to heart, and I raised my head and kept going. My soul is strong.

Years have passed, and the lesson still lingers, still stings now and then. It's an old wound that's healed long ago but still aches in the cold, in the bitterness of winter when I feel this deep loneliness settle in. The acrid heat of early autumn leaves me in a fit of bored depression, prone to lazing and sulking about, a dulling of the senses that always reminds me of the past. But winter's chill seeps into my bones and aggravates the loneliness with nobody to ward off the aching cold, nobody to curl against in the night.

Late autumn's crispness appeals to me; a bitter taste of death melting in the air, mingled with the incredible colors of the world's changing, making way for new and better things. Blanketing itself in a cold winter, closing its eyes to the pain and resting until it finds itself refreshed, renewed.

Spring has never looked so positive for me before. The awakening, Nature opening Her eyes to a new world, to new beginnings, taking a crisp, clean breath of fresh air. Learning to live again, learning to love anew, and just learning to breathe.

I breathe in the deep warmth of my tea, let it soothe me like the springtime that I know is to come. Close my eyes and reach, a tentative mental touch of warmth and solidity. He would never notice, blind and deaf to his own power and mine, but all the same his warmth is like the springtime sun, heating me through to the core and melting the walls of ice I've built up.

And I know that this warmth will last, and hope that I shall never feel the cold of my self-imposed winter again.

(Cont.?)
wild_dreamer: (behind the mask)
Thursday, January 1st, 2009 06:32 pm
Welcome to 2009, guys.

I got to watch my brother wipe the floor with everyone in a board game last night, curled up with my boyfriend and generally content.

And then I made breakfast this morning, hangover free by some miracle. ;3

Things are wonderful, and I fully intent to keep my resolution this year: I am going to be the best person I can be. Strive for the best, get myself towards organized, stick to my guns, and do things right. To the best of my ability, of course. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't expect to be, but I will try my hardest to be what I know I can be. To do what I know I'm capable of.

Whee, this is gonna be a good year, I can feel it. Deep breath, dive in.

♥ Have a good one, everybody.
wild_dreamer: (Default)
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 11:30 am
Gah! Life, it gets so complicated when you have bills and are BARELY SQUEAKING BY. Dx

Or, occasionally, not even that. The rent check bounced (because I had checked the account, and the landlord hadn't cashed it yet! So I paid part of my phone bill knowing that I got paid and could deposit my paycheck the next morning. Need to see about this direct deposit thing.) and I paid a $25 dollar bounce fee, and am cringing as I wait for it to become dangerously close to that again.

Especially if LJ renews. Then I'm screwed. I'd be alright if I hadn't paid my roomie back immediately, or.. Well, if I hadn't gone out yesterday and spent some of that sweet money I had. That might have been better. As it is, after rent and before LJ's renew fee, I've got a total of about eight dollars in my bank. (ETA: Since my card numbers changed since LJ last had them, there will be no renewal until I get my next paycheck. Say byebye to my shiny paid account privleges for a while!)

Joy. And no way to get any extra until at least the weekend, unless I can beg Jess to loan me some of what I just gave her back. e.e;


On the other end of things, outside of finances, I'm doing incredibly well. Though there is a heartbroken and sick Jess to take care of, most of my friends seem to be in good, or at least better, places this holiday season.

I'm looking forward to a real holiday, though I may have no presents for anyone (and that's tough, for me.. I really want to have gifts for my boyfriend's family this year, and it just isn't feasible on my budget) at least I will have a family to spend it with.

Dear god, I am really and truly serious about this. About him. He still makes me smile. His family is incredible, and accepts me and likes me. My mom likes him, (and that's a first!) enough to allow him to stay over every now and again. I plan on not taking too much advantage of her generousity, though. =] It's a hard-earned privilege, but one only to be used in dire circumstances. =P

In any case, I'm starting to contemplate what it would be like, could be like, living with him. And alternating between completely content with everything after a weekend with him, and vaguely lonely because I'm so far away again. This kind of sucks.


I've forgotten what else I was going to say, having gotten a sleepy Jess on me and many other distractions since beginning this. I had to shower, for I have a somewhat unexpected work night tonight.. and oh, the joy that will be had when I tell my boss that she can't really switch up my schedule anymore because I've given availability to my second job in order to make enough money to get by.

Which will only help after a few weeks, when I actually start bringing in two paychecks. =D

Anyways, time to get dressed and brush my hair, and get all off to work now.
wild_dreamer: (that'll give you bees)
Friday, November 28th, 2008 12:30 am
I have just done what might be the funniest thing in a long while.

I'm sitting here, reading SPN fic (Dean/Castiel, Mmm) and drinking my egg nog, which has a very very tiny amount of rum in it. (All of this was intended to help me get my insomniac ass to sleep, so I can get up and work tomorrow.)

And there is another glass next to mine, with about two gulps of something in it. Milk? Something. I don't know. It was KK's drink, it doesn't matter what's in it.

I moved hers behind mine so I could stop reaching past it to get my drink..

THIS WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE.

I then, reading and not looking at the glasses, picked hers up instead of mine.

And took a drink.

And promptly SPAT IT BACK INTO THE GLASS. In sheer surprise and "Woah! That's not what I was drinking!"

After which I stare for a moment at the last two gulps of a White Russian, now with my spit added, and start to laugh uncontrollably. All I can think of at that moment is Dogma, and Metatron spitting his tequila because angels aren't allowed to drink. Followed by "omg I just spit in KK's drink.."

So then, I tell my mother, because she's looking confused about my laughter.

Her reaction? "You might as well drink it now."

"Yes, since it now has my spit in it. White russian, now with SPIT."

Her screen nearly took a nice spray of water, too.

My duty here is done. And I've added the drink (with SPIT) to my egg nog.

Mmmm; kahlua, rum, and egg nog. =D With SPIT.

I'm still laughing.
wild_dreamer: (Naruto - Badass ninja)
Thursday, October 30th, 2008 02:02 pm
YES! \o/

I HAVE A JOB! HUZZAH!

And as soon as I know my hours for certain (should be evenings, what I saw they were looking for at the interview was, I think: Tues, Wed, Fri, Sat evenings) I can go bother World Wrapps again, and give them a solid "I can/can't work at (these times) on (these days) but if you can set me up with a regular schedule around that..." and then I'll have TWO JOBS that pay me, and that I can balance.

Because the best part about this is SOLID, DEFINITE, CONSISTENT HOURS!!!! YAAAAAY!

Eleven tomorrow morning (I guess I'll be borrowing the car again for that; five/ten minutes driving beats out twenty/thirty on the bus/waiting for the bus/switching buses) is the new employee orientation meeting. Dress shirts and aprons provided. Need more black pants (again?! Dammit, this means more shopping..) and a new pair of black shoes for work. (I can, for the moment, wear my boots...)

Wheeeee!

Alright, so it maybe doesn't pay fabulously (I never did exactly ask what the pay was, but we don't get tips since we're just serving food to old people), but it seems low-key and friendly, and a fabulous way to get my waitressing career jump started. XD

Gyaah, I have to go get more stuff done now, but there had to be an explosion of squee.

JOB! \o/ YESSSSSS!
wild_dreamer: (xkcd - grown-up/ball pit)
Sunday, July 13th, 2008 11:03 am
...A rose.

He's freakin' allergic to flowers, as evidenced even Friday night at the [livejournal.com profile] s00j show when someone tossed fresh flowers down in front of Sooj (we were in front, on the floor...) and he started getting all headache-and-eyewater until we left an hour later. But! he still bought me a rose yesterday.

For no reason at all.

Have I mentioned that I am MADLY IN LOVE right now?

Also, SOOJ IS THE AWESOMEST THING OF AWESOME THAT THERE EVER WAS IN ALL THE HISTORY OF AWESOME.

Vixy ([livejournal.com profile] vixyish) and Tony ([livejournal.com profile] tfabris) are damn cool too. And Betsy ([livejournal.com profile] stealthcello) is WIN on the cello, as always.

I could die of the happy going on right now. So much happy.

And then there's my birthday coming up and everything. I'm gonna beg off next Sunday from my boss so I get to go see Sooj again, at a bigger venue, with hopefully more of my darling people (KK, I'm making you come with if I go, and making you go if I can't. D< ) and just as much fun as always.

Srsly. Life is win right now.
wild_dreamer: (Naruto - Badass ninja)
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 09:37 pm
When life is going so well, who needs to remember to update their LJ? Apparently not me. XP

Everything is going SMASHINGLY right now. I'm content in my life. I'm talking to [livejournal.com profile] eccentric_alex on a very regular basis again, I have a steady boyfriend who makes me very very very happy.

Cut for length... )
I do believe I've babbled enough for one night, especially since most of it came back to the lovely new man in my life. x3 I'm gonna hit the hay and get some beauty sleep before I open again at work tomorrow.

Ja matta ne, Minna-san! [Talk to you later, Everyone!]

P.S. He's totally a PC. XD <3 Ja!
wild_dreamer: (Default)
Thursday, May 29th, 2008 12:29 pm
Much is right in my world.

An evening spent relaxing does wonders, don't you think?

KK came and met me at work, spent a few hours curled in the corner conversing with me and a few of my customers even, and then took me home.

We went by the store, picked up things for dinner.

Came home, and we made a lovely steak dinner, with steamed broccoli and cheap betty crocker potatoes au gratin from a box. A glass of wine, cut with juice, for each of us.

And then we curled up on the couch and watched Treasure Planet until we fell asleep there, and stayed asleep there all night.

It was just... incredible. No stressing, no nothing. No worries about getting up this morning, because we both have the day off. No interruptions from 'Kaasan or the Child, as they're on a field trip this week. We've been listening to [livejournal.com profile] s00j's music all morning. <3

My life seems to be settling into a comfortable happiness. Niisan is coming to visit soon (nine days! Eeeeeee!) and spending a whole ten days here, eight of which I have guaranteed off. It'll be incredibly fun to spend so much time with him, and we can wander around the city and just.. be. As well as laze about a bit together, have some fun in his hotel, and such like. x3

I've finally found someone who understands most clearly, who is truly an adult about the relationship we have, though how long that will last I'm unsure, but I do truly care.

I'll take every day as it comes. He loves me, and I... yes, I love him as well, though I've not the courage to say so to him. He smiles and is understanding, and speaks his mind more often than not. He is honest and sweet, and I am thoroughly twitterpated. He doesn't mind that I am open with my heart, that I love easily and many.

He makes me want to turn and run, sometimes, when he speaks his mind and says he's so enamored of me, says he doesn't want to let me go and will never want anyone but me. It makes me pull inside myself when I'd rather open up. It scares me, and makes me want to run away, hide my heart and not ever let anyone find me and who I truly am, not ever. Because I'm so afraid to hurt him later on, so scared to reach that point where my fear of commitment takes over and I trash everything out of a panicked, irrational fear.

I'm already seeing the edges of it, here. So I'll close my eyes and breathe, and take every day as it comes to me. Enjoy the time with him. Communicate my hopes, dreams, fears, open my heart to him the way he has opened his to me, and maybe learn to trust again.

Back to the happy, I have four days in a row off this weekend, and so KK and I are going to clean the kitchen and shower and then run around town today. We'll meet up with Kaiba-san and her boyfriend to wander the waterfront tomorrow, and possibly James when he's off work as well.

And then Saturday is a date day, James and I are going to the zoo together. x3

Sunday, I've no idea yet. Maybe just another day to relax before I work all of next week. We shall see.

I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time.
wild_dreamer: (Crashed PC)
Saturday, May 17th, 2008 02:47 am
Great. Big. Fucking. Sign.


I don't get it. I really, really don't get it.


"So, you know when you kissed me goodnight last week...? Well... that was kinda my first kiss with a girl."


My brain: "Ahahahahaha.. wait. You're serious?" AND "Ahahahaha, so what, you've only ever kissed guys before? 8D"

And then: "Waitasecond. So that means you're a... Oh fuck."


What came out my mouth: "Haha, really? ..You're so oddly sheltered. It's kind of cute. n.n;"


Now: "NOT. A. FUCKING. CHERRY. CHASER. No. Just.. wtf? Universe. You must hate me. Do I have a GREAT BIG FUCKING SIGN OVER MY HEAD?!?"

Universe: "Why yes. It says 'I Fuck Virgins' in big glowing neon flashy letters. Why do you ask? It's just next to the one that says 'I talk to crazy people'. Have fun with your life!"

*Headdesk.*

Plus side: He's cute, sweet, geeky, reasonably open-minded, and incredibly bright. Now the big question: What sort of crazy is he? =D

Tune in another time for the answer. As soon as I find out. e.e

But for now, it's bedtime. Cause I've gotta work tomorrow.
wild_dreamer: (that girl)
Thursday, April 10th, 2008 10:39 pm
Cut for length: Zee and I have a serious heart to heart, via YIM. )

It feels really really nice to have someone confirm that I really am helping. That I matter, on a personal level. Because for all the crazybeans that she is, I love this woman to pieces. I do not want to have her crazy children, I do not want to have a romantic relationship with her (she's far more needy than I could deal with as a girlfriend), none of that. I just want to treat her the way I think she deserves to be treated; much better than she has been. And I just want to love her and be there for her, as long as she needs me.

I'm proud of both of us, really. She's been so broken, and been through so much... and she's finally getting better. And I'm.. I'm helping her. I really, truly am. Simply by being there, I'm helping. It makes me so happy...

*Contently smiles, and drifts off to catch the sleep she needs before work tomorrow.*
wild_dreamer: (Shigure - Got Me?)
Sunday, March 30th, 2008 06:10 pm
Omg so con... was con. Heeeee. Cut for loooong con babble. )Speaking of which, I have to open at work tomorrow, so I should catch a nap now while I wait for the pizza to arrive, and then eat and get to bed so I can be functional tomorrow. Love to everybody! Mwuah! I'll try to post more later, but I may forget. Ja matta~!