when is it my turn

[wild_dreamer]

things have been

a roller coaster, really.

cars breaking down, bad days, better days, new cars, tight budgets, the list could go on and on

but today

is just one of those days


why is it that whenever i actually need someone, they aren't there? When all i want to do is come home, crawl into babe's lap, and cry until i fall asleep... and he's out on fun adventures. wants to know if i wanna come with. no, i already told you i would need extra love today... but you aren't even here to give it. i'd rather be alone than go out in public

in case i start crying again

because i can't wear this mask any more today. things can't be "just fine" or even "okay" today. I want nothing more than to just curl up and cry my heart out. I'd rather do it on your shoulder, but... i'll do it in my car instead. I'll do it curled up in the middle of this empty bed, over my laptop keys, huddled in a hoodie in the dark.

but god i wish you were here to hold me

because i feel like every time i really need someone

there's never anyone there

maybe it's just because i'm picky about who i'll cry in front of.

maybe it's because my expectations are too high

maybe it's because i don't ask you to be here

because i would rather not bring you down

you were having fun

without my sad ass



i only have myself, in the end