numb

[wild_dreamer]

this grey in my chest is expanding
leaving me cold
in a way blankets
and heaters
and showers
and your warm body
don't help

the distance between my feelings
and my ability to feel them
is a vast chasm over which I stare
watching all the colors
turn grey
like those dreams where you jump
and instead of landing you just
keep
falling
slowly
like gravity is wrong
or you're under water
sinking

the sky above the surface isn't even blue anymore
the water is ice cold
and I am heavy
with the weight of feelings
that leave me numb
breathless
drowning
cold

clinging desperately to the shreds of my sanity
wishing I could melt away into the sea
breathe the salt water like air into my lungs
become one with the motion of the waves
and drift away