D.r.o.p \ a \ H*e*a*r*t || B-r-E-a-K / a / N a m e . . .

[wild_dreamer]

A few days now, and I don't feel any different about the choice I made. I still care, I still am perfectly content to speak with him, to laugh and joke and tease and maybe flirt a little... But he isn't the one. It's been a quiet, calm break-up, and I'm glad for that.



I've had some bizarre, screwed-up views on things for a long time, and I'm learning every day new things about myself and the world around me.

My views on love, for example. There are people who just don't understand it, there are people who don't know why they love others but they know they do.

I don't know the difference between love for close friends or family.. and a lover. I've had everything skewed on that for so long now, that it's hard to unlearn and start over.

Sexual attraction, love, friendship, family. It all goes hand in hand for my screwed up mind.

With everything in my past, is it any wonder?

Can I even change it? Of course, they say that knowing is half the battle, and I'm coming slowly to understanding, coming to terms with what makes me who I am, and what of those things I need to change.

For some reason I have less to say than I thought I did. Started this at three, and here it is eight o'clock, and this is all I've written. I'm sure more will come in time.

So for those of you left confused by this... fmtenpo and I are no longer together, though we are still close friends.

That's it for now.

Comments

[packmentality.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[onnakitty.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[galen-dp.livejournal.com]

Sexual attraction, love, friendship, family. It all goes hand in hand for my screwed up mind.

Wow. I know some of your history, but I had no idea that things are so confused. Have you considered talking to someone (a good friend or therapist) about any of this?

[onnakitty.livejournal.com]

Where do you think I'm coming to this realization from? *Laugh.* I talk to my close friends a lot. A large amount of it is just that talking to them makes me abruptly aware of things, and every bit of awareness helps me to step forward from things. I'm pretty capable at that, and I definitely remember that I have people to lean on, and people who listen to me. Thank you, too. &hearts ~ &hearts

[teal-cuttlefish.livejournal.com]

Yeah. We're no longer local to you, but we're good listeners. If you want to talk to one or both of us, don't hesitate to call. On weekends, we can call on our cell phones for as long as necessary if long distance cost is an issue.