*Stare.*

[wild_dreamer]

I have just been thoroughly flabbergasted.

My ex (sadlonedragon) called me, simply to apologise for being a rude, obnoxious asshole.

Pardon my language, but he was incredibly hurtful last time he spoke to me (in email, after the whole letter debacle), and I was very surprised to receive a call full of half-shameful "I'm sorry I was such a jerk."

He told me exactly what I had assumed was the reality of it, that most of what he said (if not all of it!) was untrue and spoken simply to hurt me.

So we're on speaking terms again, if not exactly friends. I don't know if I'll ever be exactly friends with him, because I really can't trust that this won't happen all over again... But efforts have been made to tidy up the rough edges between us.


On a similar, but entirely different note, I have been re-friended by an even earlier ex, brazenslut, who I really have no trust in or any interest of rekindling friendship with. I am content to stay on stalking-from-a-distance terms, involving sheer curiousity as to what is happening in his life, and I'm sure vice versa. There isn't any actual communication between us, nor any wish for it on my part. He hurt me too badly. He is one of the few people in this world who really can never be fully forgiven for what he did.

Though in the end, perhaps it was the right thing to happen, it was most certainly the wrong way to go about it, the worst possible of all the choices.


And one more ex-related drama... fmtenpo and I are in a bit of a tiff today, and I'm getting to the point of wanting to just crawl into a hole and holler at people from there.

At this point I'm most afraid of facing up to him, of dealing with it because I've left it so long already. He's sure to be more upset with me than I am with him by now. u.u; I feel like such a bad little sister for ignoring him, but I'm really afraid. Not that he's violent, or anything, besides which what could he do over the phone? but I'm afraid to hear that disappointed tone, that upset tone in his voice, and even worse to have it aimed at me.

I hate the feeling of people being upset with me, and yet I seem to do it on purpose sometimes.

I was mad yesterday, and for some pretty crappy reasons to begin with. Still, this should have been over with our conversation yesterday, and would have been if he hadn't had the utter brilliance to ask the single question that put me back over the edge into pissed the hell off. I was good, we were good, I told him I would talk to him later... and he had to go and say "when is later?" when he knows that is the one thing that could royally piss me off again.

And here it is, slightly over twenty-four hours later than this whole thing started, and I'm still annoyed, very upset, and afraid to answer his calls because I've either been away from my phone or (yes, I'll admit to it) ignoring them all day.

Ugh.


So, that's all the rant I have the energy for right now. Three exes, three rants. I'm gonna go lose myself in music and idle games until Kureno comes online and I can whine at him.

Comments

[compos-dementis.livejournal.com]

Kitten needs a hug. And some tea.

Maybe soup?

And fanfiction.

Name it. I'll write it.

*hugs you tightly* Hope you feel better soon!

(I'm going to Escapade, btw)

[onnakitty.livejournal.com]

Hugs are much loved, tea has been made and drank. Fanfiction would be adored, but I've no idea what to have you write. 8D ...Fluff! I want... fluffy Weasley twincest. Pre-DH, of course. Mmhm.

Niisan and I talked and worked things out. We're never upset with one another for that long anyways. ♥ Benefit of being pseudo-sibs.

( I may not be! D= )

I'm definitely feeling better though. Plus, I have botched chocolate cupcake things to eat. ♥ Roomie messed them up a little, so they're all stuck to the pan, but they still taste good! xD

Oh. And one more thing that would make the Kitten happy. Read Fruits Basket (http://www.onemanga.com/Fruits_Basket/1/)! ♥ So we can babble about it. 8D

[compos-dementis.livejournal.com]

I've heard much about Fruits Basket and I've seen the first few episodes... I seriously need to read the manga, though. You need to read Yami no Matsuei sometime soon, because I'm cranking out fic like a crazy lady and I need someone to read it without being spoiled for the whole series.

Twincest? Not something I normally write. I basically avoid incest as much as possible, but I shall do my best.

I'm glad it worked out. *forceful hugging*

Fic coming soon!