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wild_dreamer: (SPN - Dean's purty mouth)
Saturday, January 26th, 2019 11:40 pm
Long time no see, Dreamwidth. How's it hangin?

So much has changed. So much still hasn't changed.

How long has it even been? years? Since 2016, three years.

I'm still married (somehow), but my lovely husband has become my even lovelier wife in the meanwhile. Life has been hard, chaotic, depressed and painful and broke, for so long I sometimes wonder if it's worth it all... but then things begin to fall into place.

Last year I figured out my medication more: my antidepressant is a low dose in the summer and a high dose in the winter and the transition was almost smooth for once this winter. I only lost a week to the bleh, instead of months. And I'm on strattera for the ADHD and it finally seems to be working at the standard 80mg dose; fewer side effects than the adderall had and no stupid contracts to sign so I can still be an off-work stoner and drink a few drinks with my friends now and then. Missing my nighttime meds leads to a day of itchy bleh, but I trained the cats to harass me at bedtime for food and I don't feed them until I get my meds so that seems to be mostly working.

I started playing on IMVU (I blame little Nova for that) during the darkest times of winter 2017 and made some excellent friends and a new long term partner, who I had to kidnap from his abusive relationship in Wisconsin. He came home in October. I call him Babe <3

Boyfriend A (previously referenced in 2015) and I broke up over the summer, though we're still on great terms; he moved in with Waifu and I when Bachelor House 2.0 fell through and he's still here. Waifu had a chaotic adventure of six months with her job training (in Virginia of all places) and got opportunities to learn and grow, though things between us had been extremely rocky and tough and the six months was an excellent break from one another.

She's home now. We have four people living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 750 square foot apartment with all of my crap and three of us are clothes monsters. It's been chaos and struggling, but with storage we should be getting better soon...

And now Bunny has moved in because she got kicked out of her home. She and her sweet 6 month old lab/shepherd mix, Bear, are crashing on our couch with my wife.

Five people. Plus my two cats and my snek.

I love them all, and the money will get better fast this way but lord almighty the chores and the clutter and the only having one bathroom is going to be the death of me.


I'm going to try to keep up on this journaling thing even if it's just random thoughts; I missed writing regularly. I need an outlet for all the things that go on in my head so they don't take me over.


And in probably the strangest turn my life has taken in all this time... I prefer male pronouns at the moment. I spent a few months on regular testosterone treatments, and am continuing a very low maintenance dose. I feel more andro/genderfluid than specifically male, but presenting female is a rarity for me this last year. Presenting femboi on the other hand... XD

And Babe is a transman, too; making three of five household members transgender. It's a strange journey I'm on but I love it.

I think I've had enough typing for the moment; I have chore charts to go make so I can laminate them.

So now that I have screamed my updates into the void for all none of you still listening, I must away. I'm sure I'll be back soon. Or not. XD
wild_dreamer: (Rin - happy mask)
Monday, September 14th, 2015 11:24 am
Four years. Four years absent, and here I am picking it up again in hopes it will help me clear out some of the clutter in my head so I can function again, hmm?

Married, mostly-functional poly for once, local friends instead of far away internet friends. Some of my friends are still back in Colorado, some of the people I love still live very far away, but more and more I've settled in here.

Which will make it all the harder to leave again. Husband (formerly known as Jailbait) wants to move down to Cali once he's graduated; better jobs in his field, better weather for his illness. I'm torn.

I have friends here, family here. Not that I haven't moved away before, but in Cali it would be just the two of us. It would be a starting over. Two people, two cats, against the whole wide world.

I'm officially fixed, now, too. Spayed. Check-up in November to make sure it worked properly, but it's not reversible anyway. Bite me, biology; no recreation for you. No passing on the crazy genetics to the next generation.

Started thinking about journaling again because it's hard to sort out some of the feelings in my head. Mostly thinking about the poly stuff right now; I'm married, dating a guy, and occasionally sleeping with another of my friends. Who happens to be roommates with the guy I'm dating. While my lovely husband is a total introvert who wants nothing to do with any of my friends or lovers for the most part, and is also busy with ridiculous amounts of work and school at any given point in time.

See the complications?

Add to that the depression, the anxieties, and the eternal pack rat in my soul, and we have Issues. My house is a mess.

Today was the first day in a long time that I've felt like just vanishing. The gypsy foot is strong, the desire to pack up from the boyfriend's house and leave barely a trace I was ever here, to vanish into the ether and travel somewhere. Skip work, drop obligations and responsibilities, take off.

Go boldly into the unknown.

Alas, I cannot.
wild_dreamer: (Default)
Thursday, May 12th, 2011 11:24 pm
It's been a long time, Dreamwidth and LJ! And apparently my twitter stopped coming over about two months ago now, so you guys aren't getting jack all about my life.

Oops. Well, here's a random bit of what I find myself doing: Messing around with nifty things on the internet. Tada!

Wordle: And I Want - ReCoil