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dark

wild_dreamer: (Akito - darkness)
Tuesday, March 19th, 2019 11:23 pm
i miss roleplaying Akito

when people know what to expect in the way of abuse it's easier to let it out safely

I have that dark streak, full of rage and misguided love


We're over. I'm gonna try to put more effort into being an actual friend, but I'm through being a partner to this broken mess we've made. I love her to the end of the world, and I broke my own heart this time. Maybe it's the last time.


I fucked up my wrist punching a wall tonight, too.

I'm such a mess.
  • Current Mood: exhausted
Tags:

frustration vents

wild_dreamer: (Yuki - deaf from stupid)
Thursday, March 14th, 2019 01:44 pm
so I don't understand how the concept of putting something back where you got it from is so difficult for everyone else. Use the scissors? put them back. Use spices from the cabinet while you're cooking? put them back when you're done. Use the tweezers or nail clippers in the bathroom? put them back in the dish they live in when you're done. IT'S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE. It doesn't take a million miles of effort, it doesn't even take the effort of moving rooms. Get, use, put back.

So why are my scissors always missing, the tweezers and nail clippers on the counter, an assortment of spices strewn about the kitchen? Because my fucking adult roommates are monsters, clearly.

Clean up after yourself, or ASK for help. Do things that need done when you see them, or ASK someone who hasn't noticed to do it if you need help. I get that we aren't all functional, that we are basically all spoonies except The Bear who is a Man and doesn't do jack all that he isn't asked to anyways. :eyerolls:

Sometimes a couple dishes end up in a room for a day, I know I'm as guilty as anyone. But a hoard of them? unacceptable.

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the one who notices and picks up after everyone else, tbh.

I guess that's the end of my rant, I got distracted and now I gotta go put pants on and get to work.
  • Current Mood: bitchy
  • Current Location: bed
Tags:

titles used to matter to me more

wild_dreamer: (Akito Sohma)
Friday, November 13th, 2015 09:59 pm
The meds seem to be working, finally. I'm still tired, but I'm doing better with personal care, and I'm much better about not being a crazy and emotionally unpredictable wreck.

It's weird having regular emotions. I get sad, disappointed, upset, angry... but not wildly and irrationally so.

Exhaustion still happens; the depression and anxiety are only a part of the chronic illness. And when I'm exhausted, the emotions still run stronger. But it's so much better than it was.


Today, I am exhausted. Today I was tired, sleepy, all day. I slept from around midnight until almost one this afternoon, and I'm still tired. Still sleepy. It's grey and dreary out, which is likely a part of it; the oncoming cold weather is surely another part.

Today I went home after work only to gather a few necessities before going to the boyfriend's for the night.

Currently, I feel disappointed, abandoned, left behind, alone. Old insecurities resurfacing. But it's my own fault, for not communicating. "I want to come along," I didn't say. I put my shoes back on, my sweater and jacket, my hat. But I never said "I'm coming, too." "Don't leave without me." "Wait for me." So now I'm here, alone, feeling left behind. Ugh.
  • Current Mood: disappointed
  • Current Location: BH2.0
  • Current Music: random dubstep
Tags: