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Maybe if I put it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to
cause these words are my diary screamin out loud and it feels like i'm naked in front of the crowd
close enough anyway. I'm so stressed today about all kinds of shit so I might as well get it off my mind.
There are things I need to do to get my mental health on track. Some I know, some I don't.
I need to get my physical health back on track too. I'm doing good about taking my pills at night, but my sleep schedule is for shit and my morning meds are all over the place half the time.
I want to work out, or at least just get moving more often and with some kind of regularity. Martial arts classes are my "ideal" solution (scheduled, consistent, etc) but they cost $$ which we will be getting to. Babe has a gym membership, at least, so we can go do that when he's willing/available. Still doesn't put me in a scheduled place though.
I need to get on a schedule with chores during the week so we can keep up with maintenance once they get back to baseline. They need to get to baseline first, which is weekend chores. I can't live in a place this cluttered, but the gross mess stuff needs to get dealt with. I have a sudden understanding of why my grandparent's house was always just a little grimy; grandma didn't have the ability to keep up with everything and work.
I feel like work always has to come first because without it we have no money to take care of ourselves and the rest of the things. But my body and mental state means if I work hard enough to support myself financially, I have no energy left over to take care of anything else.
it's like this complicated web woven to catch me mid-net and twist around me, holding me in place against my will.
Work, chores, declutter, work out, enjoy life, relax. how many of them can I actually sustain? How do I get past the depression, the anxiety, the ADHD that leaves me in a complicated mess of "I should be" and "I wish I could" that always culminates in "...but I'm not" or "...but instead here I am scrolling facebook again" and I'm just as tired of that as everything else.
how do I get my poor brain working on a regular basis again? my body to sustainably not ache and cooperate with my need to do things? my wallet to not be a constant disappointment?
ugh.
cause these words are my diary screamin out loud and it feels like i'm naked in front of the crowd
close enough anyway. I'm so stressed today about all kinds of shit so I might as well get it off my mind.
There are things I need to do to get my mental health on track. Some I know, some I don't.
I need to get my physical health back on track too. I'm doing good about taking my pills at night, but my sleep schedule is for shit and my morning meds are all over the place half the time.
I want to work out, or at least just get moving more often and with some kind of regularity. Martial arts classes are my "ideal" solution (scheduled, consistent, etc) but they cost $$ which we will be getting to. Babe has a gym membership, at least, so we can go do that when he's willing/available. Still doesn't put me in a scheduled place though.
I need to get on a schedule with chores during the week so we can keep up with maintenance once they get back to baseline. They need to get to baseline first, which is weekend chores. I can't live in a place this cluttered, but the gross mess stuff needs to get dealt with. I have a sudden understanding of why my grandparent's house was always just a little grimy; grandma didn't have the ability to keep up with everything and work.
I feel like work always has to come first because without it we have no money to take care of ourselves and the rest of the things. But my body and mental state means if I work hard enough to support myself financially, I have no energy left over to take care of anything else.
it's like this complicated web woven to catch me mid-net and twist around me, holding me in place against my will.
Work, chores, declutter, work out, enjoy life, relax. how many of them can I actually sustain? How do I get past the depression, the anxiety, the ADHD that leaves me in a complicated mess of "I should be" and "I wish I could" that always culminates in "...but I'm not" or "...but instead here I am scrolling facebook again" and I'm just as tired of that as everything else.
how do I get my poor brain working on a regular basis again? my body to sustainably not ache and cooperate with my need to do things? my wallet to not be a constant disappointment?
ugh.
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