Best to be the Changing Water

Burning Man was the most amazing experience I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of.

When I finally reached the front gate, after picking up my ticket from will call and sitting through what seemed like crazy amounts of dust being blown around (and coating the inside of my car; PuddleJumper will never be quite the same again), I was greeted by a cute, curvy woman. She handed me a booklet and a map, gave me a big smile, and asked if this was my first year.

Surprised by my answer, but pleasantly so, she demanded that I get out of my car, give her a great big hug, and roll in the dust. "Don't be afraid of it. Get dirty, get dusty. The playa is everything, out here. You will breathe it, wear it, eat it, and learn to love it."

And before I got back into my car to go and find a place to set up camp, as the dust storm was kicking up again, she gave me another hug and a warm smile, and told me something I will never, ever forget. "Welcome home."

I had no idea just how true those words would resonate with me by the end of the week, but already they made me laugh and smile and thank her for the kindness. ( And the adventure was only just beginning. )

So I decided to get something useful accomplished today, and actually go through a few of my boxes and whatnot. Ended up choosing to sort my schoolwork box from High School (is it strange that suddenly that seems so very far away now?) and found a few precious gems of amusement therein. I don't know how I got away with some of the things I did as assignments, really, but the combination of practicality and imagination was certainly unmatched before or since. XD

In particular, I've found a few random doodles or phrases here and there, most of which I won't share because the doodles were connected to the randomness. However, there's one piece of paper that actually made me laugh out loud, in that "Dude, what the hell was I thinking, but that's funny.." sort of way.

It's labeled "Homework #10 - "Story Sketches" - 2-26-03" and there's only one item on the sheet. Directly copied, no corrections or changes made:

"1. Emily woke up hungry, but waited for French Toast to be ready, and got hungrier. She ate French Toast, and was no longer hungry. (French Toast wasn't so happy about being eaten, but that's a whole other story.)"


And here I sit, staring in a bemused fascination. What was the assignment, anyways? Where on earth did that come from? Yet it's so very me that I can't help but get a kick out of it. I felt a need to share it with y'all, as just one of those flashback moments to who I used to be, yanno?

Maybe I'll find more interesting things later. Better get back to work. *Grin.*

Much is right in my world.

An evening spent relaxing does wonders, don't you think?

KK came and met me at work, spent a few hours curled in the corner conversing with me and a few of my customers even, and then took me home.

We went by the store, picked up things for dinner.

Came home, and we made a lovely steak dinner, with steamed broccoli and cheap betty crocker potatoes au gratin from a box. A glass of wine, cut with juice, for each of us.

And then we curled up on the couch and watched Treasure Planet until we fell asleep there, and stayed asleep there all night.

It was just... incredible. No stressing, no nothing. No worries about getting up this morning, because we both have the day off. No interruptions from 'Kaasan or the Child, as they're on a field trip this week. We've been listening to s00j's music all morning. <3

My life seems to be settling into a comfortable happiness. Niisan is coming to visit soon (nine days! Eeeeeee!) and spending a whole ten days here, eight of which I have guaranteed off. It'll be incredibly fun to spend so much time with him, and we can wander around the city and just.. be. As well as laze about a bit together, have some fun in his hotel, and such like. x3

I've finally found someone who understands most clearly, who is truly an adult about the relationship we have, though how long that will last I'm unsure, but I do truly care.

I'll take every day as it comes. He loves me, and I... yes, I love him as well, though I've not the courage to say so to him. He smiles and is understanding, and speaks his mind more often than not. He is honest and sweet, and I am thoroughly twitterpated. He doesn't mind that I am open with my heart, that I love easily and many.

He makes me want to turn and run, sometimes, when he speaks his mind and says he's so enamored of me, says he doesn't want to let me go and will never want anyone but me. It makes me pull inside myself when I'd rather open up. It scares me, and makes me want to run away, hide my heart and not ever let anyone find me and who I truly am, not ever. Because I'm so afraid to hurt him later on, so scared to reach that point where my fear of commitment takes over and I trash everything out of a panicked, irrational fear.

I'm already seeing the edges of it, here. So I'll close my eyes and breathe, and take every day as it comes to me. Enjoy the time with him. Communicate my hopes, dreams, fears, open my heart to him the way he has opened his to me, and maybe learn to trust again.

Back to the happy, I have four days in a row off this weekend, and so KK and I are going to clean the kitchen and shower and then run around town today. We'll meet up with Kaiba-san and her boyfriend to wander the waterfront tomorrow, and possibly James when he's off work as well.

And then Saturday is a date day, James and I are going to the zoo together. x3

Sunday, I've no idea yet. Maybe just another day to relax before I work all of next week. We shall see.

I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time.

I think it might be a dangerous thing for me to read the books that go with Sooj's latest musics. "Solace and Sorrow" was a fascinating listen, and the readings were incredibly touching. "Solace" very nearly made me cry on the bus this morning at it's end.

She has such a powerful voice, in song and speech.

Sooj, you should totally offer to do full audio-book versions of The Orphan's Tales books. If you haven't already. xD Seriously, you would bring people to tears reading, even more so than simply their own reading of the words would do.


*Distracted by clicking a link on http://www.skinnywhitechick.com that led her to pictures of K firespinning.*

I'm just gonna go look at all of these now and then get back to work. x3


ETA: I was informed by my roomie (who was obviously paying more attention than I at the show) that Sooj possibly already is contracted to do the books. To which I say: ASDFGDJHLKJHGAHJKDKFJAFDHA DOO EET PLZ YES OMG! n_n;;